What is BPD?
What is BPD?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most feared mental health diagnoses. People who have BPD (PwBPD) like myself are often feared and stereotyped as being manipulative and destructive to ourselves and others. This is because most of the focus is on untreated BPD. HelpGuide.org lists the symptoms of BPD in a very reader-friendly way:
- Fear of abandonment.
- Unstable relationships.
- Unclear or shifting self-image.
- Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.
- Self-harm.
- Extreme emotional swings.
- Chronic feelings of emptiness.
- Explosive anger.
- Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality
What BPD Feels Like from the Inside
BPD specialist Marsha Linehan once said “People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” Before I had ever read that quote or been diagnosed with BPD, I once told a therapist that it felt like I was dealing with an “invisible fire” that made me act in ways that didn’t make sense to others but it was only because they couldn’t see the flames. Now I know the name of that fire: BPD.
The Link Between Complex Trauma and BPD
Some therapists go as far as saying that “complex trauma survivors” is a better label than “people with BPD”. In Building a Life Worth Living, Marsha Linehan describes how BPD may be the result of two factors: a unique degree of emotional sensitivity and an invalidating environment. Linehan keenly details that most of the time invalidation from caregivers is not intentional yet still has lasting effects on the particularly sensitive young person. This mixture of sensitivity and invalidation may be what leads to the nine diagnostic criteria of BPD.
Untreated vs. Treated BPD
Dr. Ramani Durvasula also mentions this acute emotional sensitivity in a video titled “Causes of BPD”. Once in treatment, PwBPD can turn this sensitivity into a gift. One of the key signs of untreated BPD is emotional dysregulation: as soon as pain is felt, it is acted upon. With treatment, pain from emotional sensitivity becomes transformed into equanimous mindfulness. Instead of being hurt by the small things that I notice in others, I now have more time to choose how to react — or not react. Medications have helped with this immensely. A mood stabilizer and antidepressant combined have helped me realize that life isn’t exclusively “black or white”, but is actually filled with multiple shades of gray. In later posts, I might discuss how changes in my spirituality helped with this shift as well.
